I’m finding it hard to manage the guilt I have for my other children , As no matter how much you concentrate on the focus that different isn’t less, it’s so apparent that it is hard day to day so many routines and structure , it’s hard when your older kids can’t muck around and make noise at night time because you can’t disturb a light sleeping autistic child , who if wakes thinks it’s morning , even if that is after an hour !
i know there happy but I would just like a bit more freedom for them at home , I just can’t see away round it currently , it’s like everything isn’t it ,you find alternatives and find the best compromise for everybody ,but as they are growing older it is getting harder to spend time as a family ,as Oscar dictates everything that we do , and they are super tolerant of him and adjust, to whatever needs at the time but it’s very hard to manage the guilt as a mother I feel, they certainly didn’t get the little brother they thought they would! He isn’t interested in them at all not really , they all have a great connection but it is always on oscars terms, and in many ways we are two separate families, it’s the only way really to meet the needs of all the children, because I have this guilt I’m super attentive to making sure my other kids get one to one time with, each of us , plus family time, plus time together as having an autistic sibling is something they share, and I know they support each other, as well as us supporting them
it’s all very hard to manage and juggle but not impossible, but you have to maintain a strong mind and a clear plan , but I think I will always have guilt that will evolve as they grow older and their relationship changes with Oscar, and perhaps he needs different things from them 💙
victoria Derbyshire was discussing PDA( pathological demand avoidance) on her show today including violent and challenging behaviour in Autism here’s the link if you missed it , I can relate here as I often wonder if Oscar has PDA or traits I know so many things overlap , but it’s heartbreaking to admit my child is violent and challenging but it’s the truth he is , Oscar is violent to me , I was greeted after school with a head but today , it’s his feelings coming out I know but it’s still a little salt in the wounds of my already broken heart , I’m also mindful I need help with this as the bigger he gets , this is not ok 💙💙💙 plus I know how he feels so out of control in those moments and I worry about how frightened he is which is why he does it .