Taking time to take care of me
I’m blogging about this as far too many parents forget themselves, and with the busiest time of year coming up it’s really important I think about how I’m going to take better care of myself , Autism is lifelong there’s no stop, there’s no last time of worry , with my other kids, I used to think this is the last time they might ever wake up for a cuddle in the night! Then I would savour it , drink them in ,as in infancy everything stops eventually , less waking, stop needing to be carried, stop needing to be fed and you go through these processes and feel a bit gutted, But also proud as you have an amazing child that’s so independent .
with Autism none of these needs stop ,and the stress and toll of that forever hanging over you, which also has worry ,never ends and I’m starting to wonder what effect that has long term? As my child’s only 5 and some days I’m so tired ,not sleep tired , soul tired , I try and rack my brains about how I can store strength to get through that forever , I think I’ve worked out in my mind how I might avoid some kind of serious mental breakdown in the future , just through mental exhaustion .
Get to sleep earlier , take it easy, use my down time as that, switch off , stop trying to do so much all at once , top up on vitamins, get the flu jab( very important protects me and others) I do this anyway
Allow time for the old me, stop being this selfless person who says it’s ok I won’t go , I think refusing to let go of that me time and the old me holds strength , like tonight I’m dying my hair and having a facial, I need a pamper I will feel better, can’t promise I will look it😂
all of this goes without saying to the average parent as switching off happens often and it’s not taken any planning , I know I’ve been there but for mentally busy parents we get good at putting ourselves off!
So yeh I’m saying be selfish take the time as body wise you need it and mentally you do too , in reality it doesn’t always happen I know ,but everything you are finding hard or tiring is set to continue ,so I feel we need to look at it totally differently , in order to get through this .
longer term worries aren’t going anywhere and refusal to be judged will always be on the agenda , but from reading other blogs some struggles get harder as they get bigger, judgment gets more as they get bigger which is awful but a true fact , it makes people feel uncomfortable to watch big kids having meltdowns in public! And I think I’ve only had a taste of that so far as he can easily be mistaken for a naughty toddler at present , but if he’s still screaming kicking off his shoes and headbanging as he gets older , I may start facing difficulties , as unfortunately I can’t just keep quiet I do say something as I find people really rude .
we have experienced this once and I think my husband was hoping the ground would swallow him up , but as I said at the time I feel mums loose it more as they experience it more, as they are with the kids more out and about. Well in my case this is true as Brendan works I do not , so were in Center parcs which has amazing facilities for special needs, and we are waiting in a rather small holding area to go to sing and sign , it’s one hour long up to 24 mths , Oscar is 36 months but I explained at the time of booking he has complex non verbal autism and has global delay , the staff were amazing and allowed him to attend the session, while we were waiting Oscar starts to get anxious he is kicking and screaming ,Brendan waits with me with the other children who are going pot painting, just for back up ,I can feel someone really staring at me , Oscar is really going for it screaming trying to get away we are holding him singing ,trying to preoccupie him when he slapped my daughter so hard in the face , it sounded like he had hit her with a wet fish , instantly she had a handprint , she was ok a little stunned but I had a little word with her and she was fine, this lady pulled my coat she said if he was mine he would be getting a smack! I said err firstly I don’t hit my kids and secondly my son has special needs , she said oh my god I’m so sorry he doesn’t look like there’s anything wrong with him!!!!!everyone was looking , Oscar still really going for it , she then starts this really school girl thing you know oh your amazing , I like your shoes kind of thing really bullshit sympathy , so I said no he doesn’t look like he has anything wrong with him , brains don’t have wheelchairs, but then again you don’t look like an ignorant arsehole , but here you are! I just thought no I can’t have it I’m teaching my other kids how I expect to be treated , this lady approached me with judgment and got more than she bargained for my other two children are standing well behaved we are as a family pretty chilled and yes Oscar can make a lot of noise and he does stand out, but I would have thought it was pretty clear that he had SEN, from the signs symbols and gestures we were using Makaton tends to be a huge clue!
I would imagine that will get more and more throughout his life and I will never not say anything , as we walked in the staff member asked if I was ok , which was nice , made me feel better that I wasn’t over reacting she in fact was a massive arsehole , who’s nureotyoical child was in fact worse behaved than Oscar in the session , which I was super smug about ☺️
But the point here is I’m going to take the brunt of the worry , the stress, the judgment so I feel I need to set the tone now for self care, to make sure I’m always as strong as the early days! As I could have fought a war back then , I will again 💙
take care mummy’s and daddy’s of YOU , you are there everything their cheerleader, their mentor , their advocate, their voice always be 100% ready💙💙💙