When Autism parents get sick
I’m never sick, like ever, the kids have had a few back to a school germs recently and I must have picked them up , I’m wiped out terrible headache , temperature and really tired I’ve had to take to my bed , I woke at 530 am got the kids school things ready measured out oscars medication and prepared their bags then I had to go back to bed I’m feeling awful , what adds insult is today is my birthday so I’m feeling double sore about it , I had plans , all cancelled , so I’m propped up in my bed feeling extremley sorry for myself waiting for it to pass, I’ve had one visit from the bloke that lives here asking me how to use the washing machine !
I just think mums get a raw deal and the fact that I can’t even celebrate my birthday really sucks, I’m sitting here thinking I have to take control of these germs have a bath and base myself downstairs ready to pretend I don’t feel like death for the kids after school, I want them to feel I have had a lovely birthday , as they celebrate also then in turn pass to there kids , for me I just want to hybernate in my room , but I can’t do that my kids would be disappointed .
im really gutted I haven’t been able to keep my plans today ,which was a lunch at Alice and the hatters tea room and then pantomime this evening but I’m just not well my body is saying STOP
i wont celebrate my birthday really this year and I love birthdays, but as long as my children get to still go to the pantomime I will be content
it’s important to have a little word with myself every now and again as ultimately they are all that matter , the established routines with Oscar are vital and must continue he’s so initiative to the environment he is in emotionally and well mirror so I must now attempt to create some normality this afternoon for him , when he gets home , I can be a diva I’m aware of that, but Autism parenting is so selfless I just feel we all need to fight to hold on to a little bit of ourselves .
feeling reflective and really poorly🤢
all this leads to the question , what would actually happen if I wasn’t here!! Guilt is huge for me in almost every score but actually the kids do just fine when I’m not around , things seem to run as normal, maybe I need to stop trying to do it all and share the load .💙
remaining in control to me is how I function, I try not to deskill others, but I’m sure most Autism mums would agree the strict routines we follow bring calm ,and sometimes it easier to take the lead and not challenge Oscar on what he’s comfortable with , I know for a fact that as he has had a change today in Brendan doing everything , he will at some point over the weekend have a meltdown as he filters that change , he copes at the time but it comes out later on 💙
This photo reflects me trying to hold it all up!