Slow acceptance of big life changes 💙
Its hard to slowly accept the level of freedom Autism allows you as a parent/ care giver ,it can take over if you let it ,but ultimately your child knows where they feel safe , I’ve found the decline with our contact with the outside world really hard, people stop visiting , you make all the invites and it’s because people feel socially awkward ,as you appear not to be coping, you haven’t the guts to say actually this is a good day!
Its the weekend you want to go out mingle with the world , walk up the high street go out with no plans maybe, see what happens , you simply can’t do that , you need a destination otherwise it isn’t worth it , your very limited for ideas especially at the weekends as it’s far to peopley out there.
most weekends I try to at least have something planned locally , usually in the morning get it out the way positively , an experience for him the park or a walk , the zoo and he enjoys this for a short time although struggles with finished! but the actual truth is he’s happy at home , it’s safe, he wants to play , he’s happy and that’s all we want a calm ship, a happy Oscar is a functioning Oscar , if he is unhappy he shuts down, so most of the time at weekends especially if the weathers bad we stay home, take it in turns to go out and get jobs done , just to keep the peace , that’s hard you have guilt , are my other children getting what they need ?,and your reminded that for now you are very much two separate families , holidays are different we travel together, we stay together it’s manageable, but day to day living is very much set , and I’m slowly accepting of that fact , we have created a happy safe environment for Oscar that sometimes he’s unwilling to leave , to push this wouldn’t be unmanageable for anyone and cause him distress , and most likely not be the experience you had hoped for .
I have to have admiration for my other children, as the slow changes to their lives have been limiting for them and things like family swimming, and eating out at weekends and family cinema, or bike rides even have become less and less, and I feel they have become accustomed to the fact that they spend time with either one of us rather than all together , but they accept this is the way it is ,for peace, and hopefully progress, Oscar is processing the world slowly we are lead by him , we are all still, although he is 5 ,accepting yet enjoying life with Oscar who is disabled he has Autism , it is life long and we are working slowly slowly to help him feel comfortable to socialise , share attention , process his experiences and gain an understanding of language , from the outside he’s a little sweetheart that babbles and walks on tippy toes, but that’s really the very tip of the iceberg .
Autism is so complicated it actually blows my mind .
Through born anxious I want to raise awareness and kindness in communities to make childrens transitions from their safety cocoons ( home) into the world ,to allow them to enjoy and achieve alongside peers , after all they are different but they are not less .
so for me I feel like a lead a double life , I love people so I try and drink in as much interaction as I can during the week, whilst Oscar is in school , just in case Oscar isn’t in a good place at the weekends , I pick my battles and currently it’s not one I’m willing to take on , through reading other blogs, loneliness seems to be very high anmoungst parents that have children facing disabilities and within any minoroty groups in fact , and that’s why network building is so vital as we can all support each other via social media .
For me I tell myself it’s only for now , Oscar needs change to have structure and predictable routines, it works for him and I’m hoping it’s all working towards a bigger picture of more social interaction as he grows .
so for now weekends come and theres not really any expectations about plans there very low key which is a bit rubbish but we’re managing , and keeping the control is everything💙so for that I’m thankful 💙
A dream of mine is that Oscar is verbal, we are on a train ,he is chatting to me excited about visiting London to go see dinosaur bones at the museum , and I’m looking back on all this thinking , god how did I stay so strong , I will always work towards this perfect day .
I suppose that’s a reminder that all this, one day will seem so long ago , like the dark early days , so I’m taking the positives out of everything now, as in a blink he will be grown💙
Lovely interactions with daddy today
Calm time watching tv