I managed to cut 7 finger nails whilst he slept last night , winning🎉the remaining three hopefully tonight then toenails! They are harder! But I’m feeling really on top form after a few days of being unwell ,and I did manage to celebrate my birthday so feeling older! but now feel my birthday happened , which the flip side is Friday my actual birthday I was lonley, bed bound and I had bellyache! so a 360 for me and a great start to the week .
I wonder how strong Autisum parents actually could be if pushed any career in fact, when faced with no choice it’s surprising where the strength comes from , I saw a fellow mum today who’s operating after three nights of no sleep ! It must be physically possible! Well I know it is , we have been sleep deprived , Oscar has pulled all nighters before and fallen asleep at 445 am but that was in the early days before medication , it’s one thing I personally can’t live with out ! At least four hours sleep per night and I can function , I manage 6.5 hrs on average any more than that and I feel hungover , and today reminded me I’m lucky in so many ways , so many carers have hard struggles all day and all night , and now oscars in school during the day and I have a bit of freedom and he sleeps, I’m not going to lie I feel like I’m cheating!
Ive blogged before about missing his behaviour from before , not meaning I miss it like I miss nights out on the town, but missing it as in , if we have a good while without any difficult behaviours I do feel like I’m owed one! A huge wobble , it’s weird I kind of knew where I was with it , now he keeps me guessing ! But he is developing coping mechanisms and I’m so thankful for that I’m really optimistic about the future and pushing that freedom boundary a bit .
I wanted to just reach out to anyone who’s feeling like things are on top a bit at the moment and just reassure them , I was you I was lost in how it would stop? , questioning how far I could be pushed then I just stopped measuring , I didn’t give up but I stopped looking for answers and let them come to me.
And slowly now looking back it has changed so much ,there were answers but stress blinded me, I could have reacted differently but I can’t go back ,and it isn’t until you look back and you see your growth , you can’t see the short term changes but trust me they are there , always have a slow plan , be confident in your plan and yourself , it will slowly come together it is for us we have a long way to go but I feel we know what we are dealing with now , take any information groups on offer as firstly you will meet other parents who will be your key to sanity, there experiences will help you take control of your situation , and secondly it’s such a good reminder to reflect on your situation it’s very easy to feel sorry for yourself, and I used to enter those meetings feeling like Oscar was the he most Autistic complex boy ,I used to leave feeling lucky .
And I think that’s key, keep positive if you can’t see any positives look harder, they are there, set small achievable goals, be realistic the corses on offer are not cures ,they are informative , they are exposing , you are sharing with others who also live your life , you then apply the advice given ,to your child , to your life , knowone is telling you how to do it ,just offering advice , but most importantly always write the bad days off .
There is no manual for Autism or how to parent an Autistic child .
This is no exaggeration a piece of my heart actually broke in September, when he started school, I had been his world ,and he relied so heavily on me ,and I was leaving him alone with strangers, I knew he would be safe but with preverbal kids they can’t tell you , so to open his bag today and see his picture just solidified what I do already know , he is very happy at school , but as his mum I needed it 💙and again I’m so thankful we decided to select the school we did ,from the first visit, in my heart it felt right, I could picture him there , and that’s why I always say follow that feeling always if it feels right for your child do it .
As always I’m feeling admiration to other parents and caregivers I know and today! I’m feeling very lucky 🍀 I will most likely have a diva strop by the end of the week😂