I’m considering running away with the circus
Heres my truth it’s day 8 of captivity for me , my saving grace has been my mum daily popping in UK let me run out and collect things or drop born anxious orders off
I’m not begrudging time at home with my son at all , if I knew in September I would get this time with him I wouldn’t have fretted as much but day 9 of not eating day 8 of broken bum and not eating and I’m unable to now function ! There’s been a few messages from pals which is great but mostly isolation , people are busy I get hate but I hate being alone I start getting resentful , I like to think I make time for people , what I learning is not everyone does that ! It’s weird to me anyway I’m not bitter really just an observation , thing I’d im included in this also we all let life take over we shouldn’t .
Oscars been happy really today he’s had a couple of abscences today were he drifts into a daydream then gets very upset and confused I’m keeping a diary of these times ., other times out of Boredum if nothing else he’s had a bit of a kick off given me a slap , it’s hard as he doesn’t have the skills to tell me so I get a lot of Taking me by the hand , pointing then if your not on your A game you cop it , high pitched screaming, throwing stuff and basically acting like I do if I get 2 hrs sleep😂 Autidm can be so stubborn it’s becsuse he outlet has a barrier there and even if he try’s he just doesn’t get it , which is sad , I’m continuing to keep trying to find ways in , a slight connection we have a few now , do there is signs of progress the early days were so dark , I can’t just wait and see it’s not In me I have to have a plan, lists, tools. But nothing was working this made me even more determined and now at 5 we are making some progress , there are a few words coming , he is slowly starting to u derstsnd the process of exchange not objects but time he will wait for around 5 seconds now we are building on this .
in the last 8 days I’ve been based at home I have good supports in terms of messages but I do miss actual real people , obviously the family are back in the evenings but the days feel so long , one things for sure I’m not ever taking for granted my own space again it’s teally suffocating as he’s poorly it’s not fun time , he’s unwell he needs basic survival that is all he will allow me to give him,a cuddle? Forget it
do if the circus was to be in town at this stage I might stow away just to get a break !
if you are isolated and are a carer, for someone with Autism you should seek out a support group locally via Facebook or the Autistic trust direct
many people face parenting alone with children with Autism or have little support systems in place , my situation today is temporary but it isn’t for some , i reach out to anyone who feels isolated and offer a few words of comfort to them, as it really can make the world feel so much kinder I find.
Autism is lifelong but nothing is forever behaviour wise they do change so rapidly so I’m always hopeful that the current struggle will pass , as we learn strategies to cope when things get on top of us , example sleeping used to cause a lot of stress in our house and at the time consumed us , I now forget how bad it was .
Be kind to yourselves guys there are no spaces for hero’s at my table there are no badges or certificates , it’s ok to admit a struggle , rely on others Share ideas , offer a free hug to those who need one
I think in the end it’s those that do that that are left standing strong, we are building an army
theres always hope 💙here’s a cute picture
happy Wednesday I might be in prison but the views ok
First time ever giving a hug to his brother