When you are forced to trust other people 💙
Having a child with Autism is a constant roller coaster of emotions in the early years, your there whole world, you feel alone and stressed but you have complete control , your safe, they are safe and you don’t appreciate it at the time but there’s a lot to be said for those unknown previous years, befure any kind of assessment or diagnosis it’s all up in the air, everything’s maybe , and much like your neurotypical children slowly as the years go by the world sneaks in and you become less of there whole universe❤️
For Children with SEN it is different early years help get involved, for us it was a year before I was ready really, as my other kids started nursery at three, Oscar started at two ,so from quiet young he had nursery workers influencing him, but yet that was safe emotionally, I would drop him off and collect him safe in the hands of experienced therapeutic nursery staff with years of experience, and although I didn’t like it , I quickly got used to the two hour sessions he had there twice a week and it quickly became routine , I did sit outside in my car for three months! , a year after I enrolled Oscar into a local nursery who happened to be ran by good friends of mine and had an Ofsted outstanding rating and excellent services and support for SEN, It was still a huge adjustment but emotionally I was adjusting to continuous heartache , we had completed the assessment process and had our diagnosis day, and we really were getting the whole experience of this emotional roller coaster , we had a year of some really consistent input , and he was starting to put down roots, but in the back of my mind I knew school was looming and he would have to complete another lengthy assessment, which brings all the difficulties to the surface yet again , it makes you feel at the time like it will never end you just have to keep taking about the hard stuff.
There was one person Oscar and myself had become really attached too and she’s still in his life today, but at the time when he left nursery it literally felt like we would never feel safe again, to pass the care over of your special needs child is literally the biggest honour anyone can have placed in them, by a parent you are literally saying , take his life and keep it safe until I return! and it isn’t something I have ever done lightly .
But what when you are forced too? It’s not that you don’t trust them , my child certainly wouldn’t ever be left with anyone I didn’t trust, but it’s all the stuff in between , too many people to form that close bond with? Too many care givers , mixed messages , they listen but they don’t know you personally or your child you are starting again , all the years of building and it ends up on paper and interpreted a different way , and you just have to start again building, building the trust that isn’t natural as your at big school now compulsory education, and you realise this is the fight you were told about !!!it’s constant and will be now, as you and only you are the one advocate that is always doing what’s the best, teachers have to do an amazing job and they do ,I commend them ,but primary school is different a teacher will have a duty to the class also on mass, and sometimes they have to make the best of a bad situation and as a mum you sit back wondering why there not doing things how you would like , there not doing it wrong but it reminds you , your child is in the system nothing goes without saying you must constantly remind them of your child’s requirements, and needs as they have a larger number of children which they do there very best for .
But ultimately as a parent you advocate for your child, the teacher advocates for the class, it’s my biggest adjustment , having to instantly trust people!! and this is something all parents of special needs face .and it is not easy, it’s a constant battle between head and heart .
For us personally Oscars transitions to school were great, his teachers are great he has a high ratio but I do feel in the early stages ,I had to moan a lot !!!and it’s natural that it takes longer for the teacher to get to know the children , which are complex and you get to a stage were you start to feel like things are starting to build again ,you are less anxious however then something happens and your back into sqaure one , I just feel it’s a much longer process.
My childs school are amazing very transparent and I do feel I can approach them with anything but I do feel we have had some avoidable incidents! , and now they have come up they are on my radar and will remain so ,as I am the one advocate that remains in his life and although his current teachers also advocate for him it’s my job to monitor that ,as they will come and go and they are getting to know lots of complex children , adopting this I feel is the best way to manage the coming years emotionally , now the world is so much bigger for him ,and he has so many influences in his learning, social skills, health and general education and ,I must let them in ,he stands every chance with there influence I know that, But it’s just so hard to let go , letting help in and allowing others to influence him is the hardest part of our journey so far 💙