Let’s face it no one would adopt this one , without a photo!( as on paper he reads awful)
I’m not making the above comment seriously so no judging please!! it’s more a passing comment that things on the outside are not a reflection of what’s going on inside , the Anxiety is back with a vengeance, we seem to be following the moons cycle and the effects are dramatic.👎
Behaviours include extreme anxiety his current medication doesn’t even seem to be touching the sides , I just feel so bad for him as it takes over , you are on the knifes edge constantly , I feel bad for him as it prohibits his progress in learning. In play , socially and puts me on edge, I become so sensative to comments about how beautiful he is as he really is 🙏innocence shines from his face☀️ as he’s so angelic , but under that surface is an uncontrollable rage that he can’t control , he can’t regulate his emotions or organise them and ,through sheer panic he can lash out and have no insight into the implications , in the last week he has lashed out at numerous children in school, all of which is logged which could come back to bite us at some point ! and it’s through sheer panic as he’s not reading what people want or expecting from him ,so he goes into protection mode, his school are amazing, and well equipped to deal with him ,and they do make allowances for him , he has also this week began headbutting again , not people yet! Which has been a previous pattern, but the floor or the walls, and just today he head butted his eye repeatedly 6 times, causing swelling and a raised eyebrow bone , he had deliberately hurt himself to which he is oblivious , it’s heartbreaking as a mum to know he’s been that panicked during the day that he has self harmed in this way, and it churns up old heartache of when I was forced to shave his head, when a hair cut went wrong!
Boy that was a cracker , get the sensory clippers they said! It will be easy they said!😂
Well let me tell you it is not easy and I had to scalp my child as he looked like a Viking! But this lighthearted mistake uncovered a heartbreaking moment for me as a mum, as the extent of bruising all over his head and on the sides will stay with me forever, old bruises, new ones they were everywhere!
He literally looked like an abuse case ,and I then put strategies in place to attempt to stop the head banging, this worked to a degree, but it’s an old coping mechanism he has developed that he reverts too , and at times of high anxiety it returns!
One concern for me is how things are documented for Oscar, in terms of history of behaviour I’ve been asking for explanations on reports , as lashing out ,and lashing out due to high anxiety for example, will make huge differences later on as he transitions through his education ,and could pose barriers for him in terms of opportunities if he has lots of recorded violence with no explanations .
currently to my knowledge today’s self harm was a one off , and I will be making school aware that they need to intervene and add strategies that perhaps I use that work at home,in the hope it helps as it can’t be easy to witness ,but the daily routine is hard we negotiate getting up, getting dressed, shoes on ,any kind of transition!!! but it’s a phase and once it passes like before in times past I feel invincible 🌈and confidence will restore, everything’s only for now and I’m making sure I’m well tapped into supports on offer 💙
So this puts me back again to praying that this phase once again passes, and we return again to a better level of calm , and I’m confident we will, until then I will take the punches, the kicks ,the scratches and compute them into words, and act accordingly ,as I’m his reasoning and his voice, and he is talking to me ,just not with his mouth 💙💙🌈🌟