I miss the old me sometimes ?, or do i?
Another really stressful morning at our place with Oscar he’s transitioning between two different medications, so there’s bound to be teething but at one point this morning , whilst being scissor kicked by a screaming kid, who won’t dress and him being so anxious I can’t get near him at all, which is gutting as we had broken that behaviour in the summer.
Oscar has done two nights of sleeping through without his sleep medication, and I’m so proud of him , he can’t have the sleep one with this new day one, but it means starting the day with nothing in his system and there being a crossover ,until the morning one works, so we’re winging it for an hour, but it’s our busiest hour so everything’s how it was premedication!!!!! , screaming , dropping to the floor, head butting, hitting out running into things, and just being over loaded and unable to cope , the day is starting and he isn’t ready , it makes me want to wrap him up and protect him as I can see in his little face he’s frightened , but the behaviour is unbelievable it’s maximum noise, and movement he’s warning me off ,despite symbols and visual clues , I showed him his getting dressed sticker this morning he screwed it up and shoved it in his mouth!
Usually he loves a sticker and allows me to dress him , so yes it was that bad😶 and I’m not stalking his consultant but, I did have to call him (again)and we are now giving the new medication at wake up time,before people happen! Hopefully this starts our days better.
So as I’m being kicked I just thought for a second where have I gone? This Autism parenting has taken over! I miss the old me and regret getting so stressed about other stuff before , I was a bit precious before everything just so ,two perfect kids , mainstream schools, normal targets ,yet I would get stressed about normal targets!
Looking back I didn’t know I was born, and if I could go back I would have had more lie ins! Not had one of those in 5 years!!!, more impromptu nights out with the girls 🌟,not had one of those for almost two years! More pj days withthe kids and duvets, and watching movies , more relaxing holidays and been overall more relaxed ,and enjoyed it all more, and now those things are a distant memory and it’s honestly like I’ve lived two lives , one shallow one we’re I didn’t know how lucky I was 😶and this one were I’m blessed to realise all of this ,which is a hindsight most get at the end of their life, and it leaves me grateful🙏 ,oscars a test and a lesson to us all ,and a good one , exhausting!!!! but worth it ,he has opened our eyes and our hearts to a world that is the most kind and caring and diverse in every way and we are supporting others.
Being supported by others❤️❤️❤️, you feel so much unity and love by the acceptance of other special needs families.
when I think of that carefree person I was before and think of how I viewed things which was acknowledgment of disabilities but no experience ,if I could go back I would enjoy it more the freedom of parenting before and life ,But honestly I’m proud of my journey so far thankful for who I’m becoming.
I’m proud of my children, and glad special needs has touched their lives ,I think we are all richer for it ,and in truth I would miss he regimented routine, the progress we are making , the celebrating everything , the organising of emotion , the planning of oscars care.🌟😊🇬🇧
I would miss the intuition I have now, I didn’t have before , the fire to advocate I didn’t have before, as these are the rewards of the sacrifices and hard work we have put in ,so far , so did I reminis today at a high stress point? Yes? Did I in my head really want to trade? No, no I didn’t, I wouldnt want to go back to being just a regular family , I love being a special one , I’m proud of it 💙🌈🌟🇬🇧🎉
That said, a night out, with giggling all glammed up ,that’s worry free ,would be amazing but just one, followed by a massive lay in and a fry up you never know it could happen soon 🌟😀