People staring hurts the most 😞
There was an ITV news clip this week that really struck a cord in me ,I will attach the link at the end of the blog , it shows a family out with there 4 year old son who literally presents as my own son Oscar , crying fighting his parents as the world is just too loud, too overwhelming , walking on all fours seeking feedback from the environment he is placed in , his parents do exactly what we would do , they make the best of the situation and let the child attempt to regulate , they mention staring 😞this is something I relate too ,it literally burns into your soul, you can feel the stare, it cuts like a knife , yes we stand out , yes we aware our child has no shoes on !!!!and we appear to be pandering to every whim , but that’s on the surface , it isn’t the case at all😶
We are acting that way as we need to do anything we can to calm the child down, the level of distress is too high, and we need to try anything we can to enable the child to cope , these are skills and tools you use to rescue a social experience, this is vital if you want your child to have experiences of socialising in small doses , otherwise you would isolate them , for me I think it’s vital for Oscar to learn it’s ok not to be ok ,we can gain control back and adjust , it’s impossible to go through life never being upset or feeling overwhelmed, it’s no different for people with Autism .
I want oscar to be able to accept that the world isn’t within his control , for instance the world can be noisy, I can’t make that stop, I can pad out situations to help him cope, but ultimately he has to learn how to regulate his emotions and anxiety’s with the aids and tools we can provide , I feel that’s the best way forward for him, he must learn that things will be ok ,work through the things he struggles with and gain strength and resilience , he is already developing many skills in this respect through school and experiences he has socially, emotionally and in learning, and I place them in this order because I strongly feel unless oscar is regulated emotionally, he won’t be ready to learn and that’s why I feel year R and year one will be for him the time he needs to adjust emotionally for school ,and prepare to learn , it sounds a long time but for Oscar with his needs and the settling in patterns he followed in nursery and preschool ,he was in both settings for two school years and just by the end he was used to the set up and ready to attend emotionally, that was helped hugely by a very ridged routine and constant reassurance and consistency . 🌈
Staring hurts the most, as most Autism parents and care givers have probably fought a battle to even get ready and get out the door! Yet for a brief moment the situation is causing someone else distress maybe ,or they just are shocked by behaviour and people stare , Tutt, sigh!!and this adds to the triggers of this , in Autism you can be extremely sensitive in your sensory system to places, people, noise, touch which is hypersensitive ,which is what we have!!! this also affects oscars eating and diet , so in that moment if people are acting negatively towards us ,he senses it he can sense peoples stress/ distaste it adds to the situation and makes him worse , he becomes less able to cope, for children that are not hypersensitive the world may not be loud enough ,they may have enhanced sensory seeking behaviours spinning, hand flapping , eat everything offered to them , they may eat non food items also and chew , there are also people that have a mixture of both ,for instance my child isn’t a chewer and dosent spin, he occasionally handflaps , he’s extremly sensory but doesn’t respond to loud noise, so we can have a real mix of behaviours when we go out , as he does seek feedback through motion .
But staring hurts , it’s silent judgment , don’t do it , be mindful of you need to look over to check ,mouth to the parent ‘your doing fab’ or are you ok? It really is everything to us💙
The news clip, which could actually be oscar , it was hard to watch and hear of this families struggles I relate to them with my whole heart 💙